I went to the quilt show in Rochester this weekend. Friday morning, I went to a lecture on longarm quilting and the entire time I was there, I had a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball. It is so odd to go places "fun" now because the only reason I can go is Mark isn't here anymore. It is such an overwhelming sadness that comes over me when I realize my freedom is for that very reason. So I only stayed for a few hours and never looked at one quilt on Friday. I picked up a book off my daughter's shelf that night and thumbed through it. It was called "Cold Tangerines" (Kristina Tanner recommended it a long time ago). Anyway, it's a delightful treasury of small stories. The introduction spoke of the overwhelming sadness in the world and how it can consume you if you allow it to. So she said to "give yourself permission to celebrate."
On Saturday morning, I slept in with my grandpuppies and decided to just work in the yard and skip the quilt show... and then I got hot and realized that the quilt show was air conditioned so I went.
I repeated the words "Cold tangerines" about a million times to myself that afternoon as I looked at the gorgeous handiwork of so many people. I kept on breathing and saying "it's ok to celebrate." And I had a great time. Then my sister and I went to church and then we went out to dinner and we had a wonderful evening. On Sunday my sister and I did yardwork together at my daughter's house and crazy enough...that turned out to be a super fun day too. So, now I am home... the sadness envelopes me... and then I think... I could go for a cold tangerine...
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