Defeated - only in MY mind...

This morning I opened my eyes and realized I slept all night in Mark's bed with my clothes on, the TV blaring, and all the lights on in the house. This is the first time in my entire life that I have felt so defeated that I wonder if God has abandoned me. It's even more devastating than losing Mark... and as the thoughts mull around in my head and the tears come raging like a river that never stops, memories of all the times that God has rescued us and been there for us flow faster than the tears. I guess He is telling me that He hasn't left. The verse of the day on my computer this morning was: I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1-2 NIV